Hello everyone!! I only came to say that all activity has changed place and went over  Here!
So welcome to my new blogs. Everything old should be there and maybe something new too. :)

I will delete this blog after some time.

Seenya there !!


BACK!! hopefully for good!!

Heyoo again. Like many times before i apologize again coz the long pause. If i'm honest i haven't feel good lately. Now i feel much much better. actually i start to feel really good.

Over a month ago i started to feel really really tired. i don't remember did i tell you about this. And i don't mean the feeling when you haven't slept enough. i only wanted to sleep all the time. Sleep, sleep and sleep as much as i just could during the day and i really slept literally some days half of the day. It started to effect to my workshop and also to my relationships with friends etc. coz i was just way too tired all the time to really think anything clever. Luckily my workshop leaders saw this and made me to go to see doctor. Now i have seen my depression nurse and doctor regularly and i also got medicines. We talk a lot about then with the doctor and nurse and finally i said yes to them. Even i was little skeptical about them at first, now i am very happy i took them.

Now i have ate them about a week and i can even eat again. They made me feel so sick at first (like doctor said). I also saw my dermatologist and i got new prescription to my acne medicines. It have been nice when others has noticed that i feel better. But that was about it.

Zero wanna say hello to all of you. He sleep on the floor next to me. Now when i'm much more better and most important awake i could do a post about my new room. We have repair my room about now 3 months with dad and have to say this looks very good. So much better than the old one. And i also have a lot of pics which i should share with you. I could do again little post and tell what all i have done with the pics. Now i don't have tie till Tuesday coz i have test coming. I should read but people who know me knows that me and reading just do not match! I have to tomorrow really try to sit down and read. Even a though about it make me think what other things i should do tomorrow. hahaw.

i also should start to looking a job. First a part time and hopefully i could soon do full days. i just don't wanna rush so much (even i really would want to) coz now i have got myself pretty good condition.

Well there it was. I tried to keep this short coz i should go to sleep soon. i wasn't late in whole last week from workshop. I wanna keep it that way! It is so nice to go now to workshop when you know there is very good friend and that i can actually do stuff now. :) Thanks Elina♥ PENA POWER!! hahahaww

i miss so much everyone. My friends in Finland who live far away. My friends who live somewhere else than Finland which is even more far away. And specially my drear who lives way too far away. *sigh* Such a life when everyone live so far away. But i will fight for them. Someday i have own airplane and a ship - or no. i hate ships, they are scary. Or at least money to go to visit Everyone !! I have to buy a ticket around the world i guess. :D i just wanna visit everyone !! But well i will get a job and then think that. i miss working a lot.

Now i have to go tho. To sleep. Even i have very nice company at the moment on Skype. But if i wanna have even a chance to study tomorrow i have to sleep. So ~

night night my little animals~


Growing up & dreaming dreams

~~ HELLOO !! ~~ 

i really have to start to be better in this blog thing. Again i have keep long pause. i hope things start to flow much better, when i finally get own laptop before Christmas (i hope before Christmas). Other reason that i wanna make this blog thing to work better is, i also have though that i start to keep my other blog again.

But this time here i'm gonna write two post. (Next one tomorrow if i just have time.)
One about just what i have been doing lately example at the workshop and this one gonna be only my thought about the life again. 

Coz the best ideas come in the middle of the night.

Well life - at the moment actually pretty good. Things have started to clear up little by little. And i have got a lot of help. Thank you for everyone who has been part of this all ~
But yeah, my life seems to get better all the time. Hopefully it will keep getting better. There is tho few things where i hope, i can find a cure. I'm extremely moody. Good days bad days. Highly absolutely great days when you feel everything is possible and then so horrible days when you would just want get back to your old habits. i hope this day isn't just one of the great days. Like i have here make so much promises, i have give so much promises to myself also and then only fail badly. But i wish this time i can keep them - just because me this time and that i can get well. 

i hope bottom of my heart, this gonna be last time i wrote this kind of text here.

i have noticed that have start to grow up. And i have to say that i like it. As a matter in fact - i like it a lot! Many years i have felt i have got stuck into my teenage-years. You know - like paralyzed and you can't just go back or forward. Finally i start to feel older. And i know it's weird to hear it from a person who has have more age crisis in her life, that she has even lived. 

i have also noticed that my style has changed. Like - i don't know - older. haha. Granny-times are coming!! Ok, i hope not! But maybe it's totally ok to look little older. i think i start to find my style only now. Even whole this time i have been going towards it.
Which is most scary in this - i have become more feminine (or what that word ever is)!! Nowadays all kinds of girly-things are started to be interesting. But i'm not very girly girl yet - don't misunderstand it now. :)

First of all i left my hairstyle behind. i have always though that much everything, means automatically good. Maybe i have tried to hide behind my hair. i heard one Finnish celeb said like that on TV once. Great line i think.
So i did a huge thing and did dye my hair with only one color and surprise i love it. Believe it or not. hehe Even i haven't said good bye to colours. Don't worry.

Plans for now - continue my better skin program. Have to go to blood tests soon as possible. Huge thing for me, coz i got last time two-three panic attacks in the same morning i supposed to go there. Then i have though that i really have to start to keep better care of myself. i know i still don't eat maybe right. Much better tho. But i still wanna do one diet. Only to pure my body. Few days on liquid diet sounds very good right now. After that i think a food plan would be the best thing to do. That i get my eating better. **huoh** Then ah my so dear Nordic walking~ gonna definitely continue that.

More plans? Yes. i think i start to be ready to continue my music-things. i don't know yet quite what i'm gonna do, but i start to thing music stuff on after Christmas and new year. 

i also know now 100% what i wanna study. i have got huge spark to study youth leader. And i'm gonna do it.  i have completely lost my interests to my old school. Do i have to continue it if i really don't want? i think no? And no easy to listen how everyone says that youth leader-studies would be more than great thing for me. And other say that i should finish my old school, coz it would be great plus to that youth leader studies which i could start after my old school. Damn! People just don't understand that i should wait till 2013 spring that i could start my old school again and till 2014 that i can start new school. NO WAY !!

And after this long tirade/rant or something what else.

Like i said i can say i'm actually pretty happy at the moment. i'm in love and i have a lot great people around me. Soon i hope i can see one very special one~ ;) i really hope i succeed to save money enough.
I have got few new friend also. Go our workshop elders-gang !! haha Without you all workshop tie would be deadly boring.

And now.... i think i should go to sleep. Or i will get complains or something. hahah

P.S. if i start to sink into something else than what i wrote play some great music for me which reminds me about things. it's great realize you have born for music. hahahww
~~i think i really am~~ i tell you in some other time more of that.

P.P.S. i really should try to add some new covers on my youtube.

But now really - night night animals ~~ 



Yeah well hello !! And like you can see up there, this day (like too many other lately) has been CRRRazy. In many ways.

First - i have got an awesome friend from the workshop. Oh my dear Laura i love ya ♥ It's really rare that  click so well with someone. If you know what i mean. There is only few persons and friendships like this. I really don't know tho how long my lungs will last coz every time we are in the same room or place, it's all about laugh, craziness, madness and totally idiot and stupid humor. I don't know what my days gonna be like, without her now when she will go to work. (;__;) I'm so happy for her, but still little sad. I'm gonna lose my dear wife♥ heheww

Then how about today? Great thanks for asking. We visited in ballet. Think about it a second. Me watching ballet. And that i loved it !! We saw ballet called Cinderella - tragic story. Like i said i really really enjoy it. It was so beautiful - dances, moving, music, sets everything. My favorite character was evil stepmother. I could go again over and over again.

Third thing, About my skin. It start to heal. I don't know what i should think or do coz all make ups still stay on my skin. That feeling is something so strange that i still haven't quit understand it. Today i bought new foundation - liquid one ?! Haven't been able to use one in many years coz my skin's oiliness. I get help in Kicks today and now i should have a right one and good tips how to use it right. Can't wait to try it. Now i finally can do different kind of make ups like i have dreamed of.

Next - i have hairdresser on next Monday. Omg - can't say anything else. I have to let someone else to touch my hair and i should explain what i wanna do to my hair. Luckily Laura come with me. hehww.
But ah - first new skin - and next !Totally! new hair. I want something totally different this time. Little scary, coz i know myself and what i really can do with my hair.
But i hope this also give me some boost to go on and on. Now i need to only lose more weight - what i have started to lose already.

All my rings starting to be too big. Soon they fall from my hand !! And well clothes fit better also, which is normal. But i think all this Nordic walking really works. And YES i do that !! And i love it. It's not only for middle-age Finnish people. :p
One and half - two hours walks, few times per week - working !! Well of course i have to go out right after that with Zero again. Difficult - but i like it. More exercise. haha

I recommend Nordic walking to everyone. Specially if you can't run or you have some other block and healthy reasons why you can't move and exercise with your 100% This is perfect for me and my damn knees. Next i should start to do some sit-ups and stuff again. Have to find some time for that in somewhere.

But now i have to run - i still have make ups on and everything and i should be in bed already. I also gonna meet Meri tomorrow. First time. Gonna be fun. :)

Night night animals ~ Sweet dreams~

Song of the day ~ Zoro「ゾロ」 - POLICE

p.s.  At the moment i feel just great ~ And that i can do anything i want.
Thanks ppl ~ ♥



Hello !! I do a really quick update now, coz i should be already in bed and SLEEP !!

But today we were in some place with workship people (read; me, Laura, Matti and one of the leaders.)
We were there Whole day - but we had so much fun. Just have to say; me and Laura = bad bad match haha !!

After that me and Laura went to quick visit to Jumbo. We wanted Parrot's yoghurt nuts ♥ After that i went to Jepsu's house and we talked about the workshop's Open Door's day and we pretty much have our song ready. Now we have to only train a little. heheww. The song will be Missä muruseni on bt Jenni Variainen which i have covered earlier on Youtube.

But after this little story about my busy day, i'll tell you the thing came here to tell you.

While we were on Helsinki today and while me and Laura waited, that our leader, i looked at the mirror. I was literally in little shock, coz my face looked the same as it was when we left from the workshop house. I know Laura laughed at me, coz i keep watching myself on the restaurant's window. But it looked the same !! I had put my make ups on this morning and it was still the same that it was afternoon !! Normally i had to put my make ups on Twice in one day. In morning and again in the evening, if i go somewhere. 

Any make ups haven't stayed on my skin more than hour or two. After that my skin start to be so oily that the make ups just kinda fall off. If you know what i mean. 
But it did not do this today !!

And little more about how the medicine has started to work. My back get first little better, but now i have spots. Also few on my face. So this "getting worse"-thing came on 3rd week now. But they have started to heal little so this won't maybe last very long. I hope !! Coz it hurts ...

There that was. Pretty quick yeah. :p

But Now ~ Night night !! I really have to go to Sleep !! (- -)''