Again and again and again ~


~~~ Again and again, you have thought about these things.
What about if you hurt someone who are very dear to you, someone you love.
What about if you can't stand the idea to live without the very same person and you have already done the massive mistake.
What about if the idea of hurting, hurting you so deep inside, that your mind won't never been the same again.
What if  the same mistake burning your heart and thoughts and won't go ever away.

What if you miss all those days. Moments after moments when you finally felt safe and free.
What if your memory again and again just keeps reminding you about that beautiful time.
You want to remember and then just forget. What if your thoughts are like poison to your mind and you hate it.
"i don't wanna forget, but i don't wanna remember... so difficult to understand. No-one won't understand.
Many little prayers every night for you, that you would be just ok. You are one of the best things what have ever happend to me. 
Thank you... i'm so sorry.. and i miss you.. all what i can say.."

What if you scare. Scare to go sleep at nights.
What if you scare awakening to the next moring. Awakening to the same pain like you always do.
What if the pain you so hardly try to suffocateing, just grows and grows inside of you.
What if it grows so fast that your mind finally don't have a chance to catch it no longer. What you can do when that happen. What you can do when it really happens. 
Even single thought terrifying you that tiers start to fall.
What if you like someone. Someone, you have knew for long time. What if you like someone so much that you can't fully understad it even yourself.
You like someone, just unknowing precisely the reason.
Or then you know and then you lost it again. What is the trick. Confuseing.
What if you have tried to shaked and beaten yourself only to forget, you just can't do it. But deep down in your heart, you really don't even want to.
What if you think you have screwed up a big time, like thousand times before. What if you scare that, that was it.

What if you don't have a glue what to do with these new feelings of yours. 
What if it's so difficult to talk about things like this already.
What if all the hopeing and wishing just somehow feels weird and odd. Cause you know something, which keeping you two apart.
You keep thinking why you got this kind of feelings. Or then you just haven't ever learned how to deal with them right.

What if there is one little miracle. One little miracle which makes you feel important.
Something you thought you ever got opportunity to be or have. And every time you saw this miracle all you can do is almost cry.
How you worry all the time what if you can not see this miracle even once more and what if something happen. 
Even more worries, but like always when you love something or someone isn't it.
The love, the care, the tears. All just for this little miracle. 

What if there is one thing what you have love the most. Only thing you know you can do well.
One dream you have always had through your whole life.
What if your only dream has turned upside down and now the same thing which ones kept you in the right way, just keeps tearing your heart in tiny worthless pieces.
What if it would came true some day. What if it won't. The words spin around in your head and are unable to stop.
What if the thing which once made you feel so alive now killing and eating you alive slowly and painfully like a parasite.

What if the idea about you screwing everything up all over again, just scares you the most.
All that scare tranforming to insane panicing.
What if you just keep trying and suddenly all your strenghts are gone.Vanished like dust in the wind.
What if you keep askig why and when, it's time to me to go. Why it haven't been earlier. Why it haven't been earlier.
What if you have started to scare your thoughts and yourself.

Is there anything you can do to make this all stop. Is there anything which can slow this down even a little.
What if all of this is just pointless trying. What if all this hard workig have been only some kind of dirty trick someone has made up.
Where you can get those last strenghts to make the last deep breaths. Where you can buy little more time to make everything right again and fix all. 

Is time really something you can not buy.
Only thing you want to know anymore is; why. Before you are ready to let go. ~~~




~ I love you, I love you, I love you, and I hate you ~

Listening Miyavi's new songs at the moment, like you can see ~
Have to say this is just so amazing album. i will listening this songs over and over again. Specally i fell in love with -I love you, I love you, I love you, and I hate you-, i wish i will hear this on mr. Miyavi's concert on next April. Miyavi can capture so much attitude in his songs. How you do it ? Maybe one day i figure out this secret.

But i have allways loved Miyavi, well from that day when i heard his songs first time. His style is so different and that is great news for me - one of the reasons i love him. i think i'm little odd person, but i love everything weird and different stuff. NO to everything normal! And i have heard about that, and not always just good comments. But i'm not gona let go to it.

i know that there is some people which really don't like that i want to take influences to music and appearance from Asia and specially japanese music-styles, when i will start to do music, but whatever. There is those people and bands who have that biggest influence to me and Miyavi is one of those, so i just don't care.

But lets g back to Miyavi again. Miyavi's songs are so great as well because 1. i love his voice. You allways know when it's Miyavi who sing and 2. i love to sing his songs ~ hehe But i really hope he will sing -I love you, I love you, I love you, and I hate you- and -Ashita, Tenki No Naare-. There is many many other songs which i wouldlove to hea, but there is two of them. But that was about Mr. Miyavi this time. i told few post back that i visited my best friend. And surprise! i found som pics!

Here you go ~ !!

~ This is what will happen when you (supposedly) stole other bed. hehe. So cute little creature she is ♥ ~

~ There you can see few my fav ga- oh, i mean guys. heheh. ~

~ This pic. i don't have a clue what happening. i think it's this our "allasbaari"-time? ~

~ Me and my friend had our 2. anniversary. Two years friends allready. hehe. ♥ Here is my and my friend's anniversary lunch. This is mine. ~

~ And this is my friend's lunch. Like you can see, of course they are same like ♥~

~ And then we can talk about this sugar addiction of mine. ~ 

And first of all i didn't bought all of this! hehe. But i ate one and half of those (≧ロ≦) yeah not great at all. i really have to get rid of this sugar-thing again and eat whole year only salmiac ~ ♥ ~

i'm little sad bacase i didn't caught on tape boys amazing "allasbaari"-dance moves !! Those moves are so today !! ┛♪┗ (・o・ ) ┓♪┏(・o・)┛♪  *i btw love this emotions. hehe.*
i say now; that boys dance will be a hit in future !!


i was visited to my little (well not so little anymore) godson, my frend and i was shopping one day. Well great day i have to say. My little godson has grew up so much and fast, that his strollers broke down middle of the Itäkeskus - it's a commercial centerin here. And we had to called my mom to pick us up. But yeah that day was - fun. heheh. Busses never again !!

Then we was shopping a little with my mom as well. We bought some hair-stuff and more normal stuff, but then we saw this little innocent elephant toy for dogs. ヽ(´▽`)/

~ the Zero's elephant !!~

And of course we had to bought that too for Zero. It was whine toy and i fell in love with it. So cute, but i had to gave it to Zero. Or well Zero stole it from me. heheh. Our boy know what belong to him.
But i still love this little toy ~ ♥

~ Btw this is my drawing (with my phone). it's Väpä!! Like you can see it looks like very much of Väpä ~ ♥

Few more pics;

 ~ We took a little nap with Zero one day this week ~

~ Mr. Princess woke up when i start to took pics~


i have play Ameba Picoo as well this week. Long time no pico and its sad. hehe. But now i have new outfit in there !! Finally !!

~ There is my new room and my pico's new outfit. ~ 

 ~ i got new star from Pico's task - finally. i think this is little had task 'cause you need others help. And have to say, there is always someone who don't want to cooperate ~

 ~ On this task you had to played that math game, but whii!! i didn't need to. Good to me because i'm terrible in math. hehe. ~

i really waited long, that i could bought those clothes btw. Me and my friend play pico alot so that's why i wrote so much about it. At last i have found a game from internet what i like to play. i don't like a lot play games in internet. When i'm online i play most of the time just solitaire and now pico.


i really don't understand this. i think i have something wrong with my sleeping. Anyone have same problem that i have, that you think you live in wrong counrty or wrong side of the world? That clock is upside down or something. Because i wanna sleep on the mornings and be awake in the night. This is not good. If someone has this same kind of problem please tell me if you have some kind of trick how you can sleep in right times. i feel that no-one have this kind of problem but me. ('A`)

i think there was it. Pretty long post this time. Sorry. But seenyaa soon and
i try to update my youtube soon. i have omething in my mind already. i just need little time.

byeee !! ♪┏(・o・)┛♪┗ ( ・o・) ┓♪

song of the day ~ I love you, I love you, I love you, I hate you by 雅-miyavi-


Bye bye happy holidays ~

it's bye bye holidays then. School started on last Monday. Well mine started on Tuesday cause i don't have school on Mondays. And i'm happy about that! i'm not any Monday-person. hehe.

My holidays was great. Hope everyone had good holidays and everyone sleep alot!

Any changes? Yes. First of all My hair! Finally i took some pics. I actually dyed it before christmas so it's not so new thing anymore. i as well thought that i will desing some clothes soon. Little unique look for me please. i have even few clothes in my mind what i want, so hope i have time to start drawing soon. And i want to really learn how to make clothes - my cosplay hobby would be easier then when i actually know something. :D

i have allways wanted little like visual - and oshare kei look and style. Love those kind of clothes ~ and those both styles.

~ Yes it's blue!! ~

Love that color. I think i wil keep it for a while now. Cause it's easy to keep now when it's all blue.


Little about Finland's snow situation. Here is snow !! I live South-Finland and here is more snow than middle-Finland where i spent last week. Here you can see how much here is snow.

~ And yes there is our bikes. haha. ~

Well about my trip to middle-Finland. I had a great time. Again ♥ Thanks for all. That place is really like a second home. And i think i will be on diet this next year. We ate ALOT !! heheh I don't know how human can even eat much as we did. (o.....o)'''
We had also our second anniversary with my friend ~ two years together now. :33 it's feels like we would be together allways ~
And i don't know will i ever go to see her again. hehehe. We had some very interesting conversations and many people heard those. (laughing)
But now i just waiting next April and Miyavi's gig where me and my friend are going. Really can't wait that i see her again ♥ And i Finally see the mr. Miyavi. i have waited this day as well a long time! Now i have to keep my ticket somewhere safe until April tho. hehe.


Then little winter landscapes now ~ i was walking again.

We play outside wit Zero yesterday. And he still love snow. i think he want that all this snow would be permanent.

~ Why dogs are so cute ~

~ Little snow nose ♥ ~ 


 i had something which i had to write about, but surprise! i frogot it. :D So if it come again in my mind i will come and write again. hehe.

But now i let you enjoy me and my dear sister's greatest idea yesterday. And i know that video is ... well i say it nicely, stupid. But at least we had fun yesterday. :D

seenyaaa ~~ !!

song of the day ~ Forever Love by X Japan


HAppy HAppy New Year ~ !!

it's year 2011 then !! New Year and new things~

Do you have any New Year-manners? i have two.
i have to watch New Year - concert from Helsinki where people count the second just before New Year. Second one i have stole from my idol hehe i jump when new year come. i love the idea that you are not on earth when year changes. it's great !!

i'm ready to go now !! i will live in my best friends house next week~ ♥ hehe
Then backt to school - njaaah And i should go to driving school, i need a car !!

Have to say that i miss my babys now. i haven't seen my babys in about two weeks now. i know they miss me alot. heheh miurrrmiurrr Have to go to see them when i come home. ♥

i'm sorry that i don't have any photos in little while. i don't write my own pc and i haven't got the time to take any. But i promise when school start and i will be home you see more pics in here.

Now i think i got to dance little parapara i guess. Then to sleep that tomorrow comes quicker hehe.

i really Can not wait ~~

So now me and Zero wish to all of you; 

seenyaaa ~ and 

HAppy HAppy New Year 2011 !! Hope all your dreams come true and this year will be the best one !!