2011/02/27

Boy who always did what he was told~

Yeah, the title says pretty much everything.

"Ever feel like you've been cheated,
Following what they believe?
Don't shake the hands of fate,
Don't shake the hands of fate,
There's no more time to waste!"
by Billy Talent

And yes i listening Billy Talent again. Ziiz. Those lines are just so true, and describes exactly how i feel right now. Like i have lived someone's else life all this time. i have always try to be kinda a good girl and do what other people has told me to do. And here i wondering why? i wonder one other thing as well; Why people don't let others be them-selfs? They always have to try to somehow transforming them, to some kind of zombies without their own will or something. And something what they really are not. i have experienced this.
i know pretty rough text right now, but that is just how i feel.
i'm really tired of this "let's bully people who are different"-thing, that i see red. Today for example first gay-phobics and then i had to listened, how bad i am, 'cause i am what i am. Please, let people are what they are. Someone could say that i'm stupid, idiot or just too open-minded about things, but i don't have anything bad to say about, for example different minoritys, because i do my own opinions and judgements from what i see and experience and not what i hear or just think. i try to avoid as good as i can any kind of assumptions. Assumptions are very dangerous and i don't wanna be one who let them go on and on and keep going and grow bigger.

i have always been different and that's fine for me. i actually love to be different, but i hate that people make it some kind of lame excuse to bully. People bullied me when i was little and it still hurt a lot. One of those things in life you never get over. Maybe. i hope one day i will tho. But even more i hate that people start to talk about other's lifes with a bad tone, even they don't know anything about it. i really saw red today because of that. "You can hurt me in any way you want, but you won't touch my friends." or how it goes.


Well there was all for now. i really need to go to bed - it's 3:24AM in here right now. hehe.



seenyaa soon ~~~ 

Song of the day ~ Billy Talent - Burn the Evidence

2011/02/23

Perfect World ~♪♫

Well here i am. Watching some random document about car accidents or something like that and listening Billy Talent in the middle of the night. Yeah, can't sleep again. Soon maybe little GOTHIKA on the player.
Moment ago talked with a good friend ~ i have to draw tomorrow. Have to draw that damn Ville. hehe.

This few weeks have been maybe the most terrible time in my life. And now, when it is holiday, i have started to really think about life. My life.
It's sad when young human being start to thinking about giveing up on life - but when it started to be part of Your everyday life ... well i don't have right words to desicribeing that feeling.
And when the things go very serious, you really have to do something.

Well when i found myself lay on the bed one morning - with the most terrible hang over, i really started to think what hell i allmost did to myself! Mistake - serious one. And i know it. Luckily there is few people who most likely literally saved my life. And i thanking those people bottom of my heart ~~~ (*they know~)

Now when i have starting to think what is the most importantin life, i have realize what i have to do. First of all, i will not listening others and go to driving school. Like people want me to do. i will use those money to make one of my biggest dreams to come true. i will fix my skin - finally! - after almost 10 years. In this i won't listening any other opinions about that. i have suffering enought of this and i know there will be some people can't understant what my skin problems had done to me and how much i have feel pain because of that. Honestly i really don't even care.
i have to do fully fixing in my life. And i will start with that! Freedom finally ~
it's hard and difficult to do pretty much alone, but i'm lucky that i'm not totally alone. (i starting to realize that little by little) i have those very few people who i can really counting on. Love you ~ ♥

Second thing is school. i know that i haven't been lately very good student, because everything this. But if i can fix it i somehow (even i think i will need a miracle) will do everything i can. if i can't, i will get myself a job and go to new school in near future. Starting on clean table.
i will get a job as well. (school or not) And after i have working a while and buy everything the most important stuff i really really will need when i move on my own, i will safe money a little and then get a own flat. i can't wait.

~i really have to keep reminding myself, that i will read this post later.~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i know i have made lots of big mistakes. And i try to fix those and i really try to do my best. Even i have to at the same time, fix myself as well. In this journey i have notice many new things in me and things whitch strongly affecting me - good and bad things. Example this damn people-phobia. But i will try still. because now i have realized that i really have a reason to try.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GOHIKA in the player and have to say GOTHIKA makes me feel better - party music. i'm sorry guys that i haven't listening you in looong time.♥ i remember their concert in Finland few years back. So much fun in that night ~ i hope i will see you soon.
Same with Billy Talent. My attitude-music. hehe.

but now when i have explainig enough i need to go to sleep. it's pretty late again.


seenyaa later ~~~

Song of the day ~ GOTHIKA & Billy Talent ~