2011/05/20

All about photos!

Ok then. Now beware there will be A LOT of photos! I hope you have fun time while watching them.
I found few funny ones, when i looked my old photos. Also i will add few photos which i have on my DeviantART

But first few pics about my dear baby;

~Couple weeks back me and Zero were out and he just went and swam in some dirty little river. YAk!~



~Yes. It's very clever to shake when you are still in the water. heh.~



~This looks like little more clever i think. heh.~



~Oh we have beautiful smile there ♥~



~Sorry, did i just say "beautiful smile" ?~



And i know that dog's place isn't in the bed. But well i think this dog has a different opinion about that;

~Bed is nice place if you want, that someone pet you.~



~Bed is also good place to take a nap. Specially if it's someone else's bed.~


 ~And on mornings it's nice to come to sleep in warm bed and steal owner's blanket and pillow.~



Then some totally random stuff;

~I think some people know that i had "little" ant-problem maybe month ago. Goss i hate ants!~



~It's from my bed in granny's house. There is a .. bird?~



~Fish ass. heh. I know, i know. Was i bored?
Answer is; Hell Yes. haha~



~And why i laugh to this pic? heh.~



 ~"Touch and try
In Bath"~
~I'm sorry but what hahah? You can imagine how long we laugh with my friend in the shop 'cause this.~


 
~Funny books they sell for childern vol. 2.~ 



~There is my dear scooter. So many times it have been broken, but it still always start to working again after little fixing.~


And last thing. Some photos i have took. More pics you can find on my DeviantArt;

 ~~ childhood's treats ~~


 ~~ createing new or destroyin old ~~
 ~~ hidden under ~~


 ~~ like rocks on the edge - u are ~~

 
 ~~ all gona end sometime ~~


~~ don't worry. soon it's your turn to shine ~~

p.s.
We was on market in last week and i gona cry soon! heh.

~They sell Kiku-sushi (o__O)
Oh no they gona eat me?
"Kiku sushi for two
Me dislike this. heheh."~


But now my dear animals, i need to go.
Tomorrow i maybe get something nice and i want that tomorrow come quicker. heh.
And it's kinda late again. 1:17 AM. I really think i'm a vampire or something 'cause i never sleep. heh


But for now - 

seenyaa soon ~ night night

2011/05/19

I'm still here.

Well, first of all. It is nice to listen when people talk about you, like you wouldn't be in the room at all. And it's nice to see that some people don't understand what it is like, when you have a bad depresion and bur out. Human mind can be ill too. It doesn't mean that you are just lazy !! Right?


But well litte happier stuff now. My life is going towards better. I told you about that meeting i had on Wednesday right? It went very well and now we have a little plan already what we will do.
This Kipinä is place where is tutors for young people age about 16-25 [if i remember right] And these tutors help you to get your life back on track. School and stuff. Now first thing we start to do is that i go to see their nurse on Monday. We talking about my situation. This burn out and my sleeping difficulties and stuff. She was very nice and i think it wll be pretty easy to talk with her. Then i go to one curse which is all about living alone. Then we start to looking a job for me. This place is so cool. This kind of place should be in every town.

There is link to their web-page below -->

Nuorten ohjauskeskus Kipinä [sorry page is only in finnish]



Today has been really weird. I was out with my doggy earlier and i actually started to cry. Cry 'cause i was sad? No. I cried 'cause i was so happy. This don't happen very often.





Then i will do second post all about photos right after this one. I know some people wanna see more pisc in here and i'm sorry, that i haven't add any in loong time. But wait for a little moment more ok? :)



But for now -

seenyaa ~ but only for a moment.


Song of the day ~ T.M Revolution ♥

2011/05/17

~Päivääkään en vaihtaisi toiseen~♪♫

"I wouldn't change even a day." ♪♫
There it came again. Songs just seems to know all.

I don't know what have happened to me. hehe. I have started to really thinking stuff. I have noticed that i'm really deep person. I think sometimes very deep stuff. Kinda scary.
Some people have also said to me, that i seem like more adult nowadays. What? heh. Really? Well, my life has radically changed, that could be one reason. And i don't mean this like a bad way. Oppisite. I actually like where my life has started to go.

I have felt today very powerful. Which is pretty rare thing in my life. Or it have been. I have feel for some time now, that i can do anything i want and achieve whatever i want. For that, i have to Thanking my dear friend's who did it again. They dragged me out of the darkenss. I love you all deeply and i never wanna loose you. ♥
I don't know what i would do without you ~

I read my diary one day. My black book in other words. I could saw which kind of situation i have been. That is scary to read your own thoughts in different position. I could saw also what i almost did, which was pretty shocking. Right now i feel really stupid. When i looking my life and people around me, i can't understand how i have been so blind. I don't know how i have ever deserve this kind of people around me. ♥ I wanna apologize for everyone i have hurt.

Even after all i have experienced, i wouldn't changce even a day. Funny tho after all bad seasons. But i think i wouldn't be me or i wouldn't be like this without this all. And i think wouldn't know, what i want without all of this. And i wouldn't have so big passion about things. Specially for music.

Now i can see so much good. Even there is much what i have to get over with first, i still can see there is something good in future, only waiting for me. I can't wait that i get a job and own flat, and what is more important; i can travel ~ ♥ I feel that there is nothing which could stop me getting better now.

You my dear, have made me really a better person in a flash. And it's so funny feeling how you can miss someone so much every day ~ You have gave me so much strengths and i feel i really can achieve anything i want. ~  Love you and i don't know what i would do without you ~ ♥

I feel that there is nothing which could stop me getting better now.And i hope the meeting on Wednesday will go well. But i will tell you about that thing later.

But now i have to go ~ even i would love to stay even a little moment.


seenyaa ~ ♥

2011/05/09

Life update ~

Well after good night and good sleep, I could maybe do a little life update. heh

And let see, where i should start.
First of all, i have maybe finally starting to get over with of this depression-thing. After i get a job and school stuff done i know i gona feel fantastic. Huge reason for this is that i have found someone beside me, which i fall in love into more and more everyday. hehe.♥ It's so great to hear that someone really care no matter what.
And if someone didn't yet understand, yes, i'm not single anymore~ heh. Happily together with a great, loving guy. ♥ Big step for me, but i know it's right.
~ I promise to try my best, to be the best girlfriend ~ Love you ~

Then, i know what i wanna study. During this last "dark season" i have start to thinking, that i really wanna be youth leader [or something like that]. I wanna help young people. Specially when i have myself been the very bottom. i don't want that someone have to undergo the same things that i have.

Also i thinking to going au-pair for somewhere. First i of course thought about Japan, but lets see lets see. heh.

Now i only need a job and then own flat ~ And then little money for travelling. :)

I think my life will be better now ~ ♥ hehe


But for now - seenyaa ~

Foo-Foo-Phobia

Well at first i would love to know, who else have some kind of phobias or fears? Would be nice to know if someone else have weird fears and phobias.

Sometimes i feel like, i have the most fears and phobias in a world. Some of those are totally only inside my head and i should just forget them and look forward.

One of the newest phobias [or fear - i don't know which it actually is] i have, is people-fear. I start to feel anxiety and highly stress around people. This don't happen always tho. It have came like in periods.
The worst times i didn't wanted that anyone will touch me, busses and trains and stuff was very difficult places for me. In that times i could see only one of my friend. I actually scared even my best friend which i couldn't understand why.
And then school. I still can't go to school and i don't know why. Everytime i try to go to visit there [like i should] i go in panic. Hopefully i will be able to go to the school nest week. I go to see our school's psychiatrist.

Second fear i have will popping out also because anxiety and stress. If i'm enough stressed out or i have anxiety or i have seen something terrible, i can't sleep without a night light. For some people this may sound pretty stupid and childish. After, in this kind of state, i switch off the lights i immediately start to breathing heavily and i feel like i will have a panic attack. Which isn't very pleasant feeling. Now i have sleep with night light about little over 3-4 months. Luckily i can say, that i think i finally feel safe and i can leave this habit. And for this i can thanking one really special person in my life. ♥ I can finally sleep ~

I also have little phobia that people i love the most will leave me. I have had few people in my life who have just leave from my life saying nothing and this has happend more than once. My mind have create a surviveing method for this. I start to pushing people away from me, when they are too close. Luckily i have the best friends on Earth and they have drag me back from darkness, even i have saying awful things to them ~
Thank you.

Then i scare screaming. Angry kind of screaming. I scare and hate this so much, that i don't wondering around in my house alot. Specially in this last few months i have tried to be as quiet and invisible as i can. This and people-fear isn't very plesant together.

One more fear, which even i scare, is that i have started to scare food. Little by little. I know that i have very weird body image inside my head what people should looks like, but i think this isn't just because of that. I hope this will go off 'cause i already can feel the effects. Even some weird way i like to feel hungry. Scary.


Well there was little about my weird fears and phobias. You can be free to ask more if you wanna know something. And like i said it would be nice to know if someone have also weird fears.




I try to write soon about things what have happend to me recently, but right now i'm just way too tired heheh. Well clock is here 1:49 AM so maybe it's just better go soon to sleep. heheh



But for now -

seenyaa ~