2011/09/27

Update ~!!

heyoo ~~

In this update i decided to tell little about how my acne-medication have stated to work. Also i will tell a little of what i have been doing lately.

So well about my acne-medication. It have started to do somthing. First few days i felt simply just sick. I knew that maybe will happen, coz a.) the medicine is hell strong and b.) the doctor said that probably gonna happen. Something else improvement? Yes, my skin is dry and my eyes are actually so dry, that sometimes it feels they will dry out completely. (u__u)

But anyway, if i'm not completely wrong, my back is little better than it was before i start to eat that medicine. It's not perfect, no, but it have started to heal, if you know what i mean by that, Yes, i know i'm very higly doubtful when we talk about products for difficult skin/acne and stuff. And i really know that this will work, but i still say i really hope that it will happen.
Let see, let see. I have ate that now about a week i guess.


There i also one little maybe even scary thing i have noticed.
I know i may have had it long time, but know it have start to really come out and really buging me.
I have had panics earlier. A lot if i'm honest, and i know i stress around of people. Now this have started to really bee a really problem tho. I stress and even panic almost coz everything.

I haven't ever get this kind of attack in public.
We had normal practises at our workshop like we have every week. We learn how to communicate and stuff. Now during the practices i started just suddenly feel very uncomfortable and little by little that did rise to sort panic. Only thing i could thought of was, that i wanna run away.
I didn't have to do exercises anymore, and i just waited till the class was over.

Normally this distress will end soon, and i start to feel, can i say normal, but this time i started to felt even more and more uncomfortable and distressed durig the day. My hands started to shake and it felt like that walls will fall over me and i started to breathe heavily. And i shut the classroom's door coz i didn't wanted that anyone would see me. I literally almost cry coz i just wanted to get out of there. I luckily (i really don't know why) told about this to one of our leaders, and asked can i just leave, coz i really can't be there anymore. She took me for a walk and we talk a little about this all. She asked me have i ever thought that i could have a panic disorer. And well i have sometimes actually thought about it, but this thing haven't effect in my live this much before so i have just skip it.

Well now i have seen our workshop's nurse once and tomorrow i will see her again. When i week ago saw her last time, she told me a thing called Social anxiety disorder. And she believes also that i have depression, which wasn't any surprice to me. So tomorrow more talking with her. Surprising that i stress again. Like i normally do. Like i stress at the moemnt also our hygiene proficiency certificate-test which is later this week. Even things like that. Crazy ...
I feel pretty stupid coz this all. Coz i know i don't have anything to be afraid of. I hope that nurse know how to get rid of this thing.
If i'm honest now; i afraid to go parapara-lessons, sometimes i stress a little to go to workshop, call to people (even they would be my friends) ....

But well, i finally can say this aloud, because the speaking is the thing i maybe scare the most. And now i finally will have help to get rid of this. I just hope i can just leave this all behind soon. Talk and deal with everything. I really have to try this time. I don't wanna end up to life inside 4 walls coz i'm too afraid to go anywhere. Coz i know i'm not like this girl who just scares everything.

Sometimes i just wondering that will these problems never gonna end, but maybe they will. Little by little. With some help from amazing people♥ I really admire them coz they have been there for me no-matter how annoying i have been.

I can't wait that i can just scream to everyone that "Damn!! Finally!! Watch out!!" And that i can go anywhere i ever want without this stress or anxiety. It actually help a little when you know finally what this is all is about.



Sorry this little- i don't know what that was really. But seenyaa later ~ Now i need to go to bed.

Night night ~~


Song for the day ~ SCREW - BRAINSTORM
Coz example this video (and few others) i have started to think i will change my look to brunette ~ wow ~


P.s.  I finally finished my novel ~ Body without sound - mind without body
I hope you like it ~

2011/09/19

Finally !!

Well hello hello everyone. Long time no see.

~Wehh. This gonna be quick update. I'm gonna do little better one later. With pics.~


First of all i wanna tell you. No, i wanna scream to you, that i finally got acne-medicines !!! Finally !! i have ate them now couple days and i can actually see, that my skin is maybe little more oily than it was normally. So it maybe works already !! i'm so happy. i can't describe that feeling when the dorctor gave me the prescription. Such a I will do one post about how my skin has change after i have eat the medicine for a while.

Hmm. Then i visit Habitare-exhibitions with my friend Laura. And have to say that trip was ... i don't even know. hahawww♥ But i havesome photos from there also.

My dad has his 50th bday parties. I decorated the cake !! It was beautiful. But more about that also later.

And next thing. I have tried to write a novel. Thank you Naomi ~ It was her idea that i start to write a novel. It's gonna be longer that i though so .. you have to wait a little. It's gonna be a kinda horror novel which based on true story/stories. I really don't know when it will be ready, coz it have been sometimes even little difficult to wrote it. But when it's ready it will be here.

Then, pretty huge thing to me. After Long long break, i will sing in public. I will sing in end of the next month at out workshopäs The Open Doors-day. I start to freaking out little by little. hehew. But Jepsu gonna come to play so maybe it will go just fine.

But there was little of what have happend.


Song of the day will be - Gackt's new band - Yellow Fried Chickenz's The End of the Day