2011/11/28

Growing up & dreaming dreams

~~ HELLOO !! ~~ 

i really have to start to be better in this blog thing. Again i have keep long pause. i hope things start to flow much better, when i finally get own laptop before Christmas (i hope before Christmas). Other reason that i wanna make this blog thing to work better is, i also have though that i start to keep my other blog again.

But this time here i'm gonna write two post. (Next one tomorrow if i just have time.)
One about just what i have been doing lately example at the workshop and this one gonna be only my thought about the life again. 

Coz the best ideas come in the middle of the night.

Well life - at the moment actually pretty good. Things have started to clear up little by little. And i have got a lot of help. Thank you for everyone who has been part of this all ~
But yeah, my life seems to get better all the time. Hopefully it will keep getting better. There is tho few things where i hope, i can find a cure. I'm extremely moody. Good days bad days. Highly absolutely great days when you feel everything is possible and then so horrible days when you would just want get back to your old habits. i hope this day isn't just one of the great days. Like i have here make so much promises, i have give so much promises to myself also and then only fail badly. But i wish this time i can keep them - just because me this time and that i can get well. 

i hope bottom of my heart, this gonna be last time i wrote this kind of text here.

i have noticed that have start to grow up. And i have to say that i like it. As a matter in fact - i like it a lot! Many years i have felt i have got stuck into my teenage-years. You know - like paralyzed and you can't just go back or forward. Finally i start to feel older. And i know it's weird to hear it from a person who has have more age crisis in her life, that she has even lived. 


i have also noticed that my style has changed. Like - i don't know - older. haha. Granny-times are coming!! Ok, i hope not! But maybe it's totally ok to look little older. i think i start to find my style only now. Even whole this time i have been going towards it.
Which is most scary in this - i have become more feminine (or what that word ever is)!! Nowadays all kinds of girly-things are started to be interesting. But i'm not very girly girl yet - don't misunderstand it now. :)

First of all i left my hairstyle behind. i have always though that much everything, means automatically good. Maybe i have tried to hide behind my hair. i heard one Finnish celeb said like that on TV once. Great line i think.
So i did a huge thing and did dye my hair with only one color and surprise i love it. Believe it or not. hehe Even i haven't said good bye to colours. Don't worry.


Plans for now - continue my better skin program. Have to go to blood tests soon as possible. Huge thing for me, coz i got last time two-three panic attacks in the same morning i supposed to go there. Then i have though that i really have to start to keep better care of myself. i know i still don't eat maybe right. Much better tho. But i still wanna do one diet. Only to pure my body. Few days on liquid diet sounds very good right now. After that i think a food plan would be the best thing to do. That i get my eating better. **huoh** Then ah my so dear Nordic walking~ gonna definitely continue that.


More plans? Yes. i think i start to be ready to continue my music-things. i don't know yet quite what i'm gonna do, but i start to thing music stuff on after Christmas and new year. 

i also know now 100% what i wanna study. i have got huge spark to study youth leader. And i'm gonna do it.  i have completely lost my interests to my old school. Do i have to continue it if i really don't want? i think no? And no easy to listen how everyone says that youth leader-studies would be more than great thing for me. And other say that i should finish my old school, coz it would be great plus to that youth leader studies which i could start after my old school. Damn! People just don't understand that i should wait till 2013 spring that i could start my old school again and till 2014 that i can start new school. NO WAY !!

And after this long tirade/rant or something what else.

Like i said i can say i'm actually pretty happy at the moment. i'm in love and i have a lot great people around me. Soon i hope i can see one very special one~ ;) i really hope i succeed to save money enough.
I have got few new friend also. Go our workshop elders-gang !! haha Without you all workshop tie would be deadly boring.


And now.... i think i should go to sleep. Or i will get complains or something. hahah

P.S. if i start to sink into something else than what i wrote play some great music for me which reminds me about things. it's great realize you have born for music. hahahww
~~i think i really am~~ i tell you in some other time more of that.

P.P.S. i really should try to add some new covers on my youtube.



But now really - night night animals ~~